THE BLISTERS OF A 3 AM EXIT
It’s 5:38 am and I just returned home from the mosque
I went to pray
But I felt preyed
I couldn’t focus on prayer
I don’t know if it’s a betrayal
I don’t really know how I feel right now
But nothing feels right
This isn’t a poem nor is it a narration…. I don’t know what it is…… it may make sense, it may not…… If you find any errors in this write-up, pardon me. I can’t read it after I have written it.
Just walk with me to the end
I DON’T KNOW IF THE MEMORIES OF HOW I HELPED HONOUR YOU WITH The LAST BATHE AND HAVING TO HOLD YOUR HEAD AND SHOULDERS WHILE WE LOWERED YOU INTO YOUR GRAVE WILL EVER FADE AWAY.
Today is Monday, a working day
I am committed to giving my best at work
But my emotions are derailing my intention
My supervisor has a theory; don’t let you're personal interfere with your professional
But how can I be efficient when I can’t even think straight
He was my one and only father and father-figure all in one
My mom called me into a corner and with tears in her eyes told me, ‘you have to be strong for what’s to come tomorrow’
These words echoed into my ears the Friday evening we went to give my dad food but he had already exited this world
He was breathing faintly
His mouth was tightly closed beyond opening
His eyes were SHUT
And his body looked FRAIL
A gentleman helped us clean him up and lay him on his bed
It was a heavy Friday night
A man who once could weed from morning till evening lay on his bed immobile, speechless
I couldn’t hold my tears that night
I had never been frightened like that night
I am still frightened
Around 10 pm, he began to breathe heavily
We checked up on him; it wasn’t a pretty scene
My mom suggested we give him water but his mouth was still tightly closed
He continued to breathe heavily
It wasn’t until after 2 am that he opened his mouth slightly
3 am; He gulped down the water and gave a heavy breathe and sigh all in one and that was it
That was the end of life for a man who loved all and hated none
That was the last breathe of a man who played tunes to the delight of both kids and adults
That was the last drink of a man who stood for truth and justice
That was the last sigh of a man who feared nothing but Allah
He had met his creator, there and then
My father was a delight to be with
He was always either smiling or laughing
He could sing from dawn to dusk
He was lovely
He was flawed, not perfect but tried his best to bring happiness to those around him
He never laid down for anyone to trample over him
He loved his children dearly
Anytime my colleague and friend Mubarak tells me I’m somehow sometimes pessimistic
I wonder if I take after my father at all
My dad was the most optimistic person I have ever known
He suffered a disease long before I was born
I am in my mid-twenties now so imagine how long he was sick for before he finally joined his maker
He was strapped to his chair for at least 15 years
Imagine how that must be like
Despite this disease, he was very hopeful and enthusiastic
He was optimistic about the future
Even after 20 years of being sick, he always dreamed of walking again
He never gave up hope
But he never walked again
I miss my father
I would give up anything just to see him again
He was very energetic
You see, I loved my father dearly
I would cry after him anytime he was traveling
I never wanted him to leave me for even a second
But now he has left me forever
Imagine how that is like
Ernestina had kind words for me and she continues to help hold me together
Khadija consoled me
Ruth extended his condolences
Philip did same and so did several other people
I am grateful to but honestly, condolences make no difference
Some people thought it was normal for him to die
Besides, he was old and he wasn’t the first person to die
I should suck it up and move on; I smiled and moved on past them
I miss my father
I am scarred, broken, angry, sad, mad, and frightened at the same time
But I can’t express any of these emotions because I have to be strong for my younger siblings and my mother
Yes, we don’t live forever but that doesn’t make death any easier to bear
I am sad but I am glad I can remember my dad for good reasons
In my home, anytime any of us misses him, he or she just brings up one of his many unending hilarious jokes
We don’t cry when we miss him, instead, we laugh
We may cry secretly but we laugh together because of him
Dear Dad, on behalf of your wife and children, we miss you, deeply.
Your son, Ahmed
I went to pray
But I felt preyed
I couldn’t focus on prayer
I don’t know if it’s a betrayal
I don’t really know how I feel right now
But nothing feels right
This isn’t a poem nor is it a narration…. I don’t know what it is…… it may make sense, it may not…… If you find any errors in this write-up, pardon me. I can’t read it after I have written it.
Just walk with me to the end
I DON’T KNOW IF THE MEMORIES OF HOW I HELPED HONOUR YOU WITH The LAST BATHE AND HAVING TO HOLD YOUR HEAD AND SHOULDERS WHILE WE LOWERED YOU INTO YOUR GRAVE WILL EVER FADE AWAY.
Today is Monday, a working day
I am committed to giving my best at work
But my emotions are derailing my intention
My supervisor has a theory; don’t let you're personal interfere with your professional
But how can I be efficient when I can’t even think straight
He was my one and only father and father-figure all in one
My mom called me into a corner and with tears in her eyes told me, ‘you have to be strong for what’s to come tomorrow’
These words echoed into my ears the Friday evening we went to give my dad food but he had already exited this world
He was breathing faintly
His mouth was tightly closed beyond opening
His eyes were SHUT
And his body looked FRAIL
A gentleman helped us clean him up and lay him on his bed
It was a heavy Friday night
A man who once could weed from morning till evening lay on his bed immobile, speechless
I couldn’t hold my tears that night
I had never been frightened like that night
I am still frightened
Around 10 pm, he began to breathe heavily
We checked up on him; it wasn’t a pretty scene
My mom suggested we give him water but his mouth was still tightly closed
He continued to breathe heavily
It wasn’t until after 2 am that he opened his mouth slightly
3 am; He gulped down the water and gave a heavy breathe and sigh all in one and that was it
That was the end of life for a man who loved all and hated none
That was the last breathe of a man who played tunes to the delight of both kids and adults
That was the last drink of a man who stood for truth and justice
That was the last sigh of a man who feared nothing but Allah
He had met his creator, there and then
My father was a delight to be with
He was always either smiling or laughing
He could sing from dawn to dusk
He was lovely
He was flawed, not perfect but tried his best to bring happiness to those around him
He never laid down for anyone to trample over him
He loved his children dearly
Anytime my colleague and friend Mubarak tells me I’m somehow sometimes pessimistic
I wonder if I take after my father at all
My dad was the most optimistic person I have ever known
He suffered a disease long before I was born
I am in my mid-twenties now so imagine how long he was sick for before he finally joined his maker
He was strapped to his chair for at least 15 years
Imagine how that must be like
Despite this disease, he was very hopeful and enthusiastic
He was optimistic about the future
Even after 20 years of being sick, he always dreamed of walking again
He never gave up hope
But he never walked again
I miss my father
I would give up anything just to see him again
He was very energetic
You see, I loved my father dearly
I would cry after him anytime he was traveling
I never wanted him to leave me for even a second
But now he has left me forever
Imagine how that is like
Ernestina had kind words for me and she continues to help hold me together
Khadija consoled me
Ruth extended his condolences
Philip did same and so did several other people
I am grateful to but honestly, condolences make no difference
Some people thought it was normal for him to die
Besides, he was old and he wasn’t the first person to die
I should suck it up and move on; I smiled and moved on past them
I miss my father
I am scarred, broken, angry, sad, mad, and frightened at the same time
But I can’t express any of these emotions because I have to be strong for my younger siblings and my mother
Yes, we don’t live forever but that doesn’t make death any easier to bear
I am sad but I am glad I can remember my dad for good reasons
In my home, anytime any of us misses him, he or she just brings up one of his many unending hilarious jokes
We don’t cry when we miss him, instead, we laugh
We may cry secretly but we laugh together because of him
Dear Dad, on behalf of your wife and children, we miss you, deeply.
Your son, Ahmed
YUSSIF AHMED
ahmed.yussiph@gmail.com
Ahmed u have made me cried in my seat...take heart my dear...I can see how u loved ur dad.
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